A self-obsessed, banter-saurus who puts Alan Partridge to shame, former Sky anchor turned prolific blogger Richard Keys is just too easy to make fun of. But heck, let’s do it anyway.
Not included in our best-of-Keysy moments below are his instances of infamy.
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The time when he was caught making derogatory comments about female referee Sian Massey, comments that ultimately led to his sacking at Sky.
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The time when he responded to Karen Brady’s assertion he is sexist with a flippant, ‘Do me a favour, love’.
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The time when leaked footage revealed his crude one-way conversation with Jamie Redknapp concerning a female acquaintance.
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The time when he was accused of humiliating a heavily-pregnant Gabby Logan on a flight.
There is nothing funny about any of this. It’s just gross.
Elsewhere though, when he’s not residing in a previous century, this legend in his own lunchtime – not to mention his opinions – can be pure comedy gold.
5) Be Careful Moysey
You don’t have to look far to find a steaming pat of mature that passes for a hot take from the seasoned, hirsute presenter. In fact, just this week he was at it again.
With Premier League bosses Graham Potter and David Moyes both speaking out about the heightened criticism they receive in their job – the former revealing he has been subjected to death threats – Keys promptly took to his typewriter.
Highlighting the need to talk, in an age when mental health awareness is thankfully ever-increasing, Keys then insisted Moyes should be careful when complaining about his lot, managing a club tipped for the drop in the football betting.
No, it doesn’t make any sense. But then again, nothing does when it comes to Keys and his successful career.
4) #BringAndyBack
The man himself can take no credit for this one. Indeed, he probably deserves a little bit of credit for not responding, despite presumably really, really wanting to.
In 2015, a grassroots campaign began on social media, championing the idea of Andy Gray returning to our screens.
Quickly growing in stature, the campaign studiously failed to mention Gray’s partner-in-crime Keys. Frankly and truthfully, the whole point was to omit him completely.
Yet a favourite vignette arrived when this rule was broken and a prominent Twitter account directly contacted the ex-TV-am sofa-dweller, asking him to back the appeal. Perfect.
3) Better Business
In the summer of 2017, Everton went a bit mad in the transfer market, spending over £125m on a cluster of new signings, almost all of which turned out to be horrible duds.
Gylfi Sigurdsson was brought to Goodison for a whopping £50m. Davy Klaasen and Cenk Tosin stunk up the place for huge fees. Across Stanley Park meanwhile, Liverpool purchased Mo Salah and Andy Roberton for a million more than Sigurdsson.
Having spent nearly a lifetime in the environs of football you would expect Keys to make the right call here, to have his finger on the proverbial pulse.
Instead he went with the following – ‘Loving Everton’s business this summer. Here’s an early call – they finish above Liverpool this season.’ Oh Keysy...
2) A High-Five Too Far
Arsenal took a lot of flak last season for the manner in which they relinquished a top four spot. Their winning mentality was very much brought into question.
On beginning this term with three straight victories therefore it was entirely understandable when they wildly celebrated coming back from behind against Fulham. Slowly but surely, they were proving a point.
Hopelessly misreading the room however, Keys was severely critical of their overt happiness on the final whistle, claiming their high-fives were over-the-top.
When he received pushback on this, he of course took to his cathartic blog, penning this masterpiece…
“Arsenal over-celebrated their win over Fulham. It was disrespectful to the opposition. And for me - it is a measure of how far they’ve fallen,”
Presently, Mikel Arteta’s men have fallen five point clear at the top.
1) Big Sam To The Rescue
A stonewall classic in the Keys canon arrived via his presenting of beIN Sports back in the autumn of 2020, in the immediate aftermath of Manchester City drawing with Leeds.
With the Blues’ title odds lengthening in the sports betting all eyes fell on their defence that had become uncharacteristically porous of late, and the font of all footballing knowledge had just the solution.
“They should bring Roy Hodgson or Sam Allardyce in temporarily. I mean, any of these guys have shaped teams defensively, haven’t they.”
City went on to boast the meanest defence in the top-flight that season, winning the league by 12 clear points. It is not known if this is because the greatest coach of our generation sought advice from a man who once won promotion with Bolton.
FIRST PUBLISHED: 6th March 2023
