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The ten longest goal droughts in Premier League history were all endured by defenders
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Between them, they played over 3466 hours of top-flight action without scoring
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King Kenny tops the pile for the longest barren period
Scoring may not be the be all and end all in football, but it sure does help if a defender chips in with the odd header or two across a demanding season.
That these shot-shy ten failed to do this, year on year, has given each an ironic, iconic status for not once in their otherwise impressive careers did they directly influence the live betting market.
Not once did they hear the net rippling and wheel away in celebration. At least they were consistent...
10 - Justin Edinburgh (174 apps)
A loyal and invaluable servant to Tottenham across the Nineties, Edinburgh very rarely grabbed the headlines, instead putting in consistent performances at left-back in an era that saw Spurs win a FA Cup and League Cup.
Instead of charging forward seeking glory, the defender was usually too busy man-marking a dangerous opponent out of the game, a selfless act that may have gone unnoticed by many but never by his team-mates and manager.
After moving into coaching post-retirement, Edinburgh tragically died in 2019, aged just 49, the immensely popular figure now immortalised with a stand at Leyton Orient renamed in his honour.
9 - Alan Kimble (181 apps)
The entirety of the defender’s top-flight outings was with Wimbledon, a team that is too often simplified as an over-achieving underdog, largely due to their FA Cup triumph in 1988.
In reality, the Dons finished inside the top ten on three occasions, suggesting they were more nuanced and skilled than legend has it.
Not that Kimble himself swerved too far from the club’s enduring stereotype of deploying up-and-under, rough-and-tumble tactics.
A strictly no-nonsense player, his M.O. was to lump it long for forwards to chase and unsurprisingly on no occasions did his clearances overly trouble opposition keepers.
8 - Lucas Radebe (197 apps)
A class act at the back for Leeds during their Premier League zenith, Radebe did hit the back of the net three times during his decade and a bit in Yorkshire, but exclusively in knockout competitions.
Elsewhere, he was a consummate centre-back who read the game in front of him as good as anyone before or since. The Soweto-born star also holds two unusual distinctions, one being that Nelson Mandela once referred to the player as his ‘hero’.
The other being the inspiration behind the naming of the indie-rock band Kaiser Chiefs, the five-piece all devout Leeds supporters and the Chiefs being Radebe’s former club.
United were a force to be reckoned with around the turn of the century. Sadly, our latest betting odds have them squarely involved in this season’s relegation scrap.
7 - Steve Potts (202 apps)
Only eight other players have turned out for West Ham more than Potts throughout their long and illustrious history. At a rough guess, let’s say a thousand players have scored more in the famous claret and blue.
A reliable stalwart at the back, Potts efficiently went about his business, nullifying the deadliest strikers around while at the other end coming out in rashes whenever a sight of goal honed into view.
Jokes aside, a career’s worth of outstanding service has earned him infinitely greater acclaim from Hammers’ fans than any headed goal from a corner could possibly muster.
6 - Danny Simpson (213 apps)
It genuinely surprises that Simpson failed to get on the score-sheet for Newcastle, QPR or Leicester but an explanation can ironically be found in the decision that ultimately led to the Eccles-born star boasting a Premier League winners medal.
On taking charge of the Foxes, one of Claudio Ranieri’s first actions was to promote the former Manchester United graduate in favour of the club’s long-standing first-choice right-back Richie De Laet.
The Italian’s reasoning was that too many opportunities were presenting themselves down that particular flank and Simpson ‘rarely ventured forward’. You can say that again.
5 - Stephane Henchoz (243 apps)
An integral part of Liverpool’s treble-winning campaign of 2000/01, that hoovered up both domestic cup honours and the UEFA Cup, Henchoz was a combative centre-back who rarely strayed into the opposition penalty area, preferring to leave set-pieces to his 6ft 4 partner Sami Hyypia.
During his two years at Blackburn he was paired with Colin Hendry, who reached double figures for goals at Ewood Park, so all told the Swiss stopper is largely excused for his pitiful return due to being a defender who concentrated only on defending.Presently, the
Reds have two centre-backs – in Virgil Van Dijk and Joel Matip – who each pose a threat at corners and this is one of many reasons why our Premier League predictions tip great things for Jurgen Klopp’s side.
4 - Richard Shaw (252 apps)
Shaw can unfairly be tagged as one of the Premier League’s forgotten men, an ever-present for Crystal Palace, then Coventry City, who racked up 377 hours of top-flight action, yet mention of his name will routinely prompt the half-smile of a blurry recollection.
It was he who was fouled by Eric Cantona in 1995, leading to the Frenchman seeing red twice-over at Selhurst Park, resulting in an eight-month ban. Shaw incidentally won Palace’s Player of the Season that year which is a testament to his ability.
It was also he who led the Eagles to a FA Cup final five years earlier, in the same season where the defender actually notched a top-flight goal. Alas, the league had yet to be rebranded meaning his inclusion here is something of a technicality.
3 - Des Walker (264 apps)
“You’ll never beat Des Walker,” sang fans of Nottingham Forest and Sheffield Wednesday and for many seasons this was true.
Blessed with a lightning turn of pace and immaculate timing in a tackle, the England defender regularly exasperated the great and the good.
Where the proud claim inverted however concerned opposition goalkeepers, because throughout the Premier League era, Walker never beat them, or even unduly bothered any if truth be told.
Granted, he did once bag a last-minute equaliser for Forest against Luton, twelve months prior to the new league’s formation, and it was a brilliant, individual effort too, blasted from distance top bins.
After that though, he remained resolutely in his own half, being unbeatable.
2 - Tony Hibbert (265 apps)
Over time, it became a good-natured fixation for Evertonians that their long-established right-back might one day end his career-long goal drought.
Gaining possession forty yards out would prompt loud calls to shoot. At the 2019 FA Cup semi-final a banner was unfurled that read: ‘If Hibbert scores, we riot’.
Almost implausibly their wait persisted right up to Hibbert’s testimonial match when the cult hero struck a beauty of a free-kick to send Goodison Park utterly delirious.
“I’ve been putting the wrong man on free-kicks this whole time,” manager David Moyes joked afterwards.
1 - Kenny Cunningham (335 apps)
As Premier League records go, it’s perhaps not one to be particularly proud of but the former Wimbledon and Birmingham defender will take some shifting from the top of this pile nonetheless.
Having accumulated nearly 7000 more goalless minutes than his nearest rival Hibbert, the Irish centre-back will likely always be associated with his inability to find the back of the net and this despite being a well-respected captain in the Midlands who went by the nickname of ‘King Kenny’.
Maybe though we’re viewing this all wrong? After all, 335 top-flight outings – plus 72 appearances for his country without even a whiff of a goal – is quite some achievement.
*Credit for all of the photos in this article belongs to AP Photo*
FIRST PUBLISHED: 25th April 2022
