Funniest Football Jokes:

1. What is black and white and black and white and black and white? A Newcastle United fan rolling down a hill!

2. What do Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi and a magician all have in common? All three do hat-tricks.

3. What is a ghost’s favourite position on the football pitch? Ghoul-keeper.

4. What did the referee say to the South American footballer who lied about deliberately handling the ball at the World Cup? I don’t Bolivia!

5. Why was the best footballer in the world asked to tidy his room? Because he was Messi.

6. What does a West Ham United fan do after winning the Premier League? Turn off the Xbox.

7. What is a footballer’s favourite drink? Penal-tea.

8. What do you call a footballer who brings a length of rope onto the football pitch? The skipper.

9. What football club do sheep support? Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-rcelona.

10. How many Manchester City fans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.

Funny Football Jokes:

1. Why was Cinderella booted off the local football team? Because she kept running away from the ball.

2. What’s the difference between Leeds United and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup for longer.

3. What is the chilliest ground in the Premier League? Cold Trafford.

4. What runs along the edge of the pitch but never moves? The sideline.

5. Why don’t grasshoppers watch football? They prefer cricket!

6. What do you call someone who stands inside the goalposts and stops the ball from rolling away? Annette.

7. Which famous female footballer is also a hip-hop star? Megan Rap-inoe.

8. Who is the slipperiest footballer on the planet? Antoine Grease-man.

9. How did the football pitch get wet? The players dribbled all over it!

10. Why was the chicken sent off? For persistent fowl play.

Football Jokes One Liners:

1. I didn’t do very well in my football teamwork exam… I didn’t pass!

2. Mauricio Pochettino must have hurt his leg whilst at Tottenham Hotspur. He was always relying on a Kane.

3. I was playing Football Manager when I was offered the Arsenal job out of the blue. I knew it was a poor squad so I declined the offer. Then, I put the phone down and went back to playing Football Manager!

4. My partner just ended our relationship because of my obsession with football. I’m quite sad about it – we’d been dating for three seasons.

5. My laptop has the Kepa Arrizabalaga virus – it can’t save anything!

6. My brother plays football for a team called the Musketeers. They've started the season well with three wins and a draw, all 4-1 and one 4 all.

7. My mate left two Tottenham tickets on his car dashboard the other day. Someone smashed the window and left a couple more!

8. Playing football is addictive and I want to stop but I just can't seem to kick the habit.

9. My girlfriend is the star goalie of her local football team... she's a keeper.

10. A wife says to her husband: "Choose, it's either me or football." The husband responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."

Bad Football Jokes:

1. Why did Shakira marry a football player? For his stamina mina, eh eh!

2. Which football team loves ice cream? Aston Vanilla!

3. What's a goalkeeper's favourite snack? Beans on post.

4. What's the difference between the Invisible Man and the Scotland national team? You've got more chance of seeing the Invisible Man at the World Cup Finals!

5. What should you do if Liverpool's midfield steals your car? Call the Klopps.

6. Where do Jedi play football? On the force field!

7. Have you heard about the new Everton bra? It has a lot of support but no cups.

8. What do you call a boat full of polite football players? A good sportsman ship!

9. What do you call a Frenchman playing on a Nintendo Console? Thierry on Wii.

10. Why didn't the dog want to play football? Because he was a boxer.

Soccer Jokes:

1. Why are soccer players so artistic? Because every game ends in a draw.

2. Which soccer team has nailed their formation? The Hammers.

3. How do soccer players stay so cool during matches? They stand near the fans...

4. What did the soccer coach do when the pitch became flooded? He sent on his subs.

5. What is the best place in America to shop for a new soccer kit? New Jersey!

6. What do you call a person from England in the FIFA World Cup final? The referee.

7. Why did the soccer player hold a boot up to his ear? Because he liked sole music!

8. How did the soccer pitch end up as a triangle? Somebody took a corner.

9. Why can't you play soccer in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs.

10. Who scored the most soccer goals in the Greek Mythology League? The centaur forward!

Soccer Pick Up Lines:

1. Do you have a soccer jersey? Because I need your name and number.

2. I bet you play soccer because you're a keeper.

3. Is your name Arjen? Because you're Robben my heart.

4. I must say - you're more beautiful than the beautiful game.

5. My name must be Ashley Young because I'm falling for you.

6. Hey, is your name Vincent? Because I really need your Kompany.

7. If you were a soccer ball, I'd never shoot. Because I would always miss you.

8. You're hotter than the 2022 World Cup in Qatar.

9. It doesn't Mata about the others - I am the Juan for you.

10. I don't play soccer but you are my goal.

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Ronnie O’Sullivan – 2007 UK Championship

Ronnie O’Sullivan and Mark Selby duelled in the semi-final of the 2007 UK Championship. It’s probably the biggest rivalry of the modern era, and this was arguably their most epic encounter.

The match had gone back and forth. Pressure built with each frame with a place in the final on the line.

With a deciding frame set up as the score went to 8-8, O’Sullivan took centre stage and produced a majestic break to snatch the match from Selby’s grasp.

Clive Everton’s ‘wonderful, wonderful, wonderful’ was fitting of the moment as O’Sullivan sunk the final black. He went on to thrash Stephen Maguire 10-2 in the final, winning his first ranking event in two years.

Ronnie O’Sullivan – 1997 World Championship

Was this peak Ronnie? The Rocket produced the fastest 147 of all-time at the 1997 World Championship.

It took him five minutes and eight seconds to complete the break, averaging less than eight seconds per pot. That’s just unfathomable speed.

This record borders on unbreakable. Mere mortals can barely think through a 147 in five minutes and eight seconds, and that’s what makes this so remarkable to watch to this day.

He cruised through the break like he was on auto-pilot, in complete control of where the balls landed and this Ronnie O'Sullivan 147 remains an iconic snooker clip.

It was never in doubt. While O’Sullivan fell in the last eight to Darren Morgan, this break was a sign of the talent that has made him a World Snooker Championship betting favourite for years to come.

Steve Davis – 1982 Lada Classic

Maximum breaks have become more common over the years. In the days of six-time world champion Steve Davis, they were a rare occurrence. His perfect break in the 1982 Lada Classic was historic.

The first professional 147 is a feat enough, but there was the added bonus of being the first-ever televised 147.

Getting snooker on television was a major step forward for the sport. Moments like this meant so much to snooker as a whole beyond Davis and his fans.

To have one of the all-time greats producing a maximum on TV was seismic moment.

Stephen Hendry – 1997 Liverpool Victoria Charity Challenge

Those who know more about snooker than anyone else consider the final of the Liverpool Victoria Charity Challenge to be the greatest match of all-time.

Stephen Hendry faced off with Ronnie O’Sullivan, a showdown between arguably the best two players ever. Sure, it was a non-ranking event, but that doesn’t take away from the spectacle or what Hendry achieved.

The Scot had built an 8-2 lead. O’Sullivan, as he has so often throughout his career, got red-hot, winning the next six frames in just 68 minutes. A deciding 17th frame was required, and Hendry stepped up with a 147 to clinch the tournament.

Ronnie O’Sullivan – 2010 World Open

One of the most memorable moments in modern snooker history came at the 2010 World Open.

It, of course, featured a Ronnie O’Sullivan 147 once again. With just a red and a black potted in the third frame against Martin King, the Rocket turns to the referee and asks what the prize is for a maximum.

He obviously knew exactly what the prize was – it had been a point of controversy before the tournament that the highest 147 snooker break wasn’t getting any bonus prize money and neither was a maximum.

Jan Verhaas, the man in the awkward position of fielding O’Sullivan’s questions, was stunned by the situation. O’Sullivan took a short hiatus from his break after quizzing Verhaas, leaving King bemused as he looked on.

The Rocket keeps building the break; red, black, red, black. A third of the way through, Verhaas confirms there’s no prize, and O’Sullivan’s face turns an unimpressed snarl.

He continues the break, pulling off a couple of tricky red pots before a phenomenal positional shot on 97, taking the ball the length of the table to set himself up for the final pair of reds.

He clears the colours up with ease. With the black left on its spot, he shakes King’s hand, but Verhaas convinces him to complete the maximum.

O’Sullivan’s post-match interview was just as snooker fans expected. “What’s the point in making a 147 if they’re only going to give you four grand? They’re getting stingier.”

When asked if the reaction of the fans gave him a boost after potting the black, O’Sullivan responded in typically disinterested fashion, pointing out that he’s had ‘loads of 147s’ so it’s not that exciting.

From perfect snooker to a fiery interview, everything about this break was vintage Ronnie. The commentary team summed it up: There’s only one Ronnie O’Sullivan.